Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
