I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
