No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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