my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize