im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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