he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
