I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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