I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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