she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
