Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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