I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
