I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize