There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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