If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
