So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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