just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
