i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
