i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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