Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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