i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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