Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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