i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You took a bar mat shot.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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