Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
