he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
