I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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