Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize