dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He better not be in your backpack
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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