did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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