why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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