I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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