My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
