I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize