the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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