my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
