you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
