Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
