Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
