I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize