my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
