Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We talked him into tasing himself.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
