so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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