Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
