We're like a lot better than the average bears
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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