Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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