dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
