I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
