he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
