I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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