dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
