It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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