Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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