overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
