you have to choose: penises or morals?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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