i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
