I love black thongs
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
