Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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