You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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