Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
