they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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