i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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