I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
