if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
