Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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