think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize