My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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